Right now, there are three relationships in your life that trouble you. Perhaps a good friend said something to you yesterday. It felt critical, but youre not sure what she meant. The two of you used to be so close, but lately youve been drifting apart. Somethings not right. Oh, and your mother called. Theres that. You know you should return her call, but you havent. Why? You know there are things you should have said be- fore, you avoided them, and now you feel its too late. Its always so hard with her. Always messy. And then your son has been missing. Not missing physically, but hes been distant, quiet, silent. Missing emotionally. Whats that about? Whats going on in his life? You want to reach out, but he pushes you away. It worries you.
Maybe the relationships in your life arent exactly like these, but Im guessing these remind you of someone close to you, a problem relationship in your life right now. Maybe its not your mother but your father, perhaps not your son but a daughter-in-law. It could be your best friend. Whoever it is, he or she is someone who matters to youor else the relationship wouldnt trouble you, gnaw at you on the inside, make you question and grumble, or even bring you to tears.
So take a moment and think, who are these three key people in your life? Which meaningful relationships are troubling you? Relationships you wish were closer. Relationships youd like to be deeper and richer. Relationships that trouble you, bother you, even make you a little crazy right now.
Seriously, think about it. Who are they? And now take a moment to name these three key relationships out loud.
Trust me, this is important for you. In fact, this may be the most significant thing you do in your life right now. Why?
Because life is way too short. At the end of the dayat the end of The Dayin this all-too-short life we share, all that really matters is relationships. Our relationships with the God who created us and with the people we love. Compared to these relationships, the job or career goals we set now arent really so important, the ladders we try to climb dont matter so much, and the objects we long to own and possess seem utterly trivial.
What really counts in the end is that special knowing look you share with your spouse, the arms of your child reaching up to you, or the quiet comfort of a friend who stands by your side in a difficult time.
The award-winning animated movie Up contains some profound truths about relationships. In a breathtaking sequence early in the film, we see the en- tire arc of the life of Carl, a balloon salesman, as he meets Ellie, falls in love, and gets married. They share a dream to travel to South America and save every penny for their big trip. But theres something familiar about the way their savings are constantly being used for the urgencies and emergencies of daily life. Before Carl and Ellie know it, theyre in their seventies, and although they have a beautiful marriage, they never realized their dream adventure.
Ellie dies, and Carl is overwhelmed with regret about the trip they never took. In a desperate attempt to escape loneliness and recapture memories of Ellie, Carl attaches a bunch of balloons to his house and sets out for South America!
You begin to realize as the movie progresses that this dream trip they were saving for, this object of their future plan together, wasnt really that important after all. The real adventure was the life they shared along the way.
The same is true for us: the adventure of a lifetime is right in front of us. Its just cleverly disguised as a familiar face.
Think about the possible loss of the relationship with one of those three people you named. You cant do anything about death and the physical departure of one of them from this earth. Thats in Gods hands.
But you can do something about your relationship with them in life.
Much of what youve been told about relationships is upside down and wrong.
Researchers tell us that a baby sees everything upside down for the first few days of life until the brain can adjust the visual picture to right side up. Most relationships today are stuck in this same infant stage; we tend to see relationships upside down, and our culture only reinforces this view. The concept of love at first sight permeates our music, movies, television, and books. What we learn as children and continue to believe as adults is that a fairy-tale relationship somehow just happens. Now, Im not bashing romance, but meaningful relationships depend on seeing other people as they are and looking at them right side up. Real lovewhether romantic love, a close friendship, or a family relationshiphappens long after first sight. It shows up as people get to know each other more deeply and often after they work through tough things together. Real love in relation- ships isnt a magic act; its a journey.
When people say, It was love at first sight, what they really mean is I was attracted to that person the first time I saw them. There is nothing wrong with being infatuated with someone at the start of a relationship. The real question, however, is, do you have a love that is growing stronger and deeper every day?
I dont believe in love at first sight; I believe in love at last sight. Each of my relationships has the potential to be better the next time were together than it was the previous time so that the last time we see each other on this earth were closer than ever before.
Id like you to join me in the Lasting Love Relationship Challenge. The book One Month to Love is the challenge, and you can do it on your own. Just read a chapter each day. There are thirty chapters, theyre short, and you can probably read one a day pretty easily. At the end of each chapter youll find the Lasting Love Relation- ship Challenge, which is designed to help you take the insights from that day and apply them to your key relationships. Also you can log on to onemonthtolove.com each day to access our personal coaching and get extra encouragement and advice or share your story. Our goal is to come alongside you to help you create the very best relationships possible. Lets resolve to love this year!
Adapted from One Month to Love by Kerry and Chris Shook with permission of Multnomah Books, a division of Random House LLC. All rights reserved.