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Before You Split

Find What You Really Want for the Future of Your Marriage

Toni Nieuwhof

About Before You Split

What would it take to leave your unhappiness behind instead of your spouse? A former divorce attorney lays out the hidden benefits of staying together in an age when separation and divorce are common.

“Toni Nieuwhof is the guide you’ve been waiting for. Deeply wise, genuinely empathetic, and uncommonly insightful, Toni is a fresh voice with tried and true experience that offers a proven roadmap.”—Ann Voskamp, New York Times bestselling author of The Broken Way and One Thousand Gifts

If you’ve ever said, “I can’t do this anymore!” out of frustration with your marriage, you’re definitely not alone.

In this practical and insightful guide, former divorce attorney Toni Nieuwhof shows that even if you feel disconnected or stuck in your troubled marriage—and worry about its impact on your kids—there is a way forward.

Before You Split helps you find what you really want from your marriage and how to move forward to a better future by:
• seeing yourself and your spouse more clearly
• dealing with unrealistic expectations
• empowering you with constructive ways to respond to difficult emotions
• engaging the power of forgiveness
• increasing your peacemaking skills
• advancing your journey of personal growth

Even when it feels like it’s over, it’s not too late. Change takes place one step at a time. Before You Split will help you make choices with your eyes wide open.

Praise

“Divorce is a serious decision with lifelong consequences. Toni has given people an excellent way to hit the pause button and really consider what is best. Thank you, Toni, for this contribution to such a difficult process.”—Dr. Henry Cloud, clinical psychologist and author

“Toni Nieuwhof’s Before You Split offers practical guidance and time-tested advice to make it through the messy middle while building the marriage you’ve always wanted. If you’ve ever thought, I wonder what it would take to make my marriage awesome, then read this book.”—Jon Acuff, New York Times bestselling author of Finish

“If you’re stuck in your marriage or know someone who is, Before You Split is the practical help you’re looking for. Toni Nieuwhof is not only someone we trust personally, but she’s also a voice that needs to be heard when more couples than ever find themselves struggling in ways they never expected.”—Mark Batterson, New York Times bestselling author and lead pastor of National Community Church

Before You Split is a unique and wonderful gift to marriage. Toni’s clear-eyed experience as a divorce attorney, her vulnerability about her own marriage, her familiarity with marital research, her spiritual sensitivity, and her wonderful writing voice make this unlike any book on the subject we know.”—John and Nancy Ortberg, authors and speakers

“From the perspective of a psychologist who helps many couples navigate marriage restoration, I urge you to read this book to help you make the best decision you can for the future of your relationship—one not rooted in emotion alone but in wisdom.”—Charity Byers, PhD, executive director of Blessing Ranch Ministries

“This book is filled with real-life tensions that every married person has had to live with and genuine solutions that Toni has found through her vast experience and personal struggle. It’s authentic, practical, applicable, and useful for every couple who wants to live their best life together.”—Danielle Strickland, international speaker, advocate, and author of Better Together

“Deeply wise, genuinely empathetic, and uncommonly insightful, Toni is a fresh voice with tried and true experience that offers a proven roadmap. Before you even think about splitting—split this book open and find the hope you’ve been looking for.”—Ann Voskamp, New York Times bestselling author of The Broken Way and One Thousand Gifts

“Toni Nieuwhof is a quiet storm—a brilliant mix of intellect, compassion, and revolution. Her book is sure to revolutionize your marriage.”—Sam Collier, international speaker and author of A Greater Story

“As a pastor, I have already recommended this amazing and helpful book, full of practical tips and relatable stories, to many couples and have assigned it as mandatory reading for those I am counseling.”—Mark Clark, senior pastor of Village Church, and author of The Problem of God and The Problem of Jesus

About Toni Nieuwhof

Toni Nieuwhof is a family law mediator and former divorce attorney. She is the wife of Carey Nieuwhof, who is an influential leadership author, podcast host, and international speaker. Toni and Carey often speak publicly about their marriage of more than three decades. In her downtime, Toni enjoys outdoor sports and spending time with Carey, their two grown sons, and their extended family and friends.

Product Details

224 pages | Published by WaterBrook

On Sale Date: Jan 12, 2021

Trim Size: 5-3/16 x 8

Carton Quantity: 24

Sneak Peek

Start reading chapter one What would it take to leave your unhappiness behind instead of your spouse? A former divorce attorney lays out the hidden benefits of staying together in an age when separation and divorce are common. “Toni Nieuwhof is the guide you’ve been waiting for. Deeply wise, genuinely empathetic, and uncommonly insightful, Toni is a fresh voice with tried and true experience that offers a proven roadmap.”—Ann Voskamp, New York Times bestselling author of The Broken Way and One Thousand Gifts If you’ve ever said, “I can’t do this anymore!” out of frustration with your marriage, you’re definitely not alone. In this practical and insightful guide, former divorce attorney Toni Nieuwhof shows that even if you feel disconnected or stuck in your troubled marriage—and worry about its impact on your kids—there is a way forward. Before You Split helps you find what you really want from your marriage and how to move forward to a better future by:
    • seeing yourself and your spouse more clearly
    • dealing with unrealistic expectations
    • empowering you with constructive ways to respond to difficult emotions
    • engaging the power of forgiveness
    • increasing your peacemaking skills
    • advancing your journey of personal growth
Even when it feels like it’s over, it’s not too late. Change takes place one step at a time. Before You Split will help you make choices with your eyes wide open.

Press Release

Former Divorce Attorney Toni Nieuwhof Shares What She’s Seen from the Other Side of Breaking Up and Offers Help and Hope to Struggling Marriages
 
Podcaster Helps Spouses Explore This Question:
Is it Possible to Leave Your Unhappiness Instead of Your Spouse?
 
With one million U.S. couples divorcing annually and a recent study* revealing that filings for divorce have increased 34% during the pandemic, Before You Split: Find What You Really Want for the Future of Your Marriage (available 1/12/21; WaterBrook/Penguin Random House) is an eye-opening and immensely helpful guide from family law mediator, former divorce attorney, and podcast co-host Toni Nieuwhof.  Whether someone’s feeling stuck, overwhelmed or disconnected in a troubled marriage—and worries about how it’s impacting their kids—Nieuwhof shows there is a way toward a better future.
 
Toni openly shares lessons she and her husband, Carey, have learned through their own long process of transforming their marriage from “very unhappy” to “thriving.” Backed by professional research and including her own real-life examples, Toni lays out the benefits of doing the hard work to stay together and exposes the implications of separating. Her compassionate guide gives readers a menu of next steps to overcome unhappiness and brings clarity to what’s at stake if they choose to walk away.
 
Additionally, she insightfully shares what she’s learned about:
-how to see yourself and your spouse more clearly
-constructive ways to respond to difficult emotions and deal with unrealistic expectations
-how to become a better peacemaker
-developing and engaging a practice of forgiveness
-rekindling more fun and intimacy
-the vital role her faith played in healing her own relationship

Toni's hope is that her proven and practical advice will motivate readers to identify and take their next steps toward creating a better story in their marriage.

She also includes “Find Out What You Really Want” questions with each chapter to stimulate each reader’s personal journey of growth. For more information, visit ToniNieuwhof.com and WaterBrookMultnomah.com.

“Divorce is a serious decision with lifelong consequences. Toni has given people an excellent way to hit the pause button and really consider what is best. Thank you, Toni, for this contribution to such a difficult process.”
Dr. Henry Cloud, clinical psychologist and author
 
*https://www.foxnews.com/lifestyle/us-divorce-rates-skyrocket-amid-covid-19-pandemic

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Toni Nieuwhof is a family law mediator, former divorce attorney and co-host of the Smart Family Podcast. She is the wife of Carey Nieuwhof, who is an influential leadership author and podcaster, and international speaker. Toni and Carey have spoken publicly about their marriage of more than three decades. In her downtime, Toni enjoys outdoor sports and spending time with Carey, their two grown sons, and their extended family and friends. Visit her online at: www.ToniNieuwhof.com
https://www.instagram.com/toninieuwhof/
https://www.facebook.com/toni.nieuwhof

Before You Split: Find What You Really Want for the Future of Your Marriage  by Toni Nieuwhof
Family & Relationships – Marriage & Long-term Relationships

On sale: January 12, 2021
ISBN: 9780525653363 · Trade Paperback · $17.00 / $23.00 Canada
e-Book ISBN 9780525653370 · $11.99 / $13.99 Canada

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What Toni Offers Your Listeners and Viewers:

-insight into the impacts of separation and divorce on couples and children
-practical ways to protect kids from their parent’s conflict
-insight into the three (not two!) options for the future of struggling couples: to split, survive or save the relationship
-the problems with surviving in a relationship, and how to move beyond it
-how leadership qualities factor into making the first move when trust is low
-how justice, mercy and humility are all necessary components of forgiveness, especially where there’s something serious like an affair-
-what to do when the mud of an individual’s past is staining the present
-how to move closer instead of moving away when a couple has ‘drifted apart’
-insight into the critical influence of family and friends, and danger to marriage of being isolated

More Praise for "Before You Split"
"Deeply wise, genuinely empathetic, and uncommonly insightful, Toni is a fresh voice with tried and true experience that offers a proven roadmap. Before you even think about splitting—split this book open and find the hope you’ve been looking for.”
Ann VoskampNew York Times bestselling author of The Broken Way & One Thousand Gifts

"If you’ve ever thought, I wonder what it would take to make my marriage awesome, then read this book.”
Jon AcuffNew York Times bestselling author of Finish

"This book is a must-read for everyone in a lifelong relationship!”
Danielle Strickland, international speaker, advocate, and author of Better Together: How Women and Men Can Heal the Divide and Transform the Future

“If you’re stuck in your marriage or know someone who is, Before You Split is the practical help you’re looking for. Toni Nieuwhof is not only someone we trust personally, but she’s also a voice that needs to be heard when more couples than ever find themselves struggling in ways they never expected.”
Mark Batterson, New York Times bestselling author of The Circle Maker and lead pastor of National Community Church

“Toni Nieuwhof is a quiet storm—a brilliant mix of intellect, compassion, and revolution. Her new book is sure to revolutionize your marriage.”
Sam Collier, international speaker and author of A Greater Story

Contact Publicist

Brett Benson